Putting the me in family – a six step plan

Be kind

I wonder as mothers why we struggle so hard to put ourselves first? Is it for fear of being accused as ‘selfish’? Is it a warped kind of guilt that if we’re not busting our arse for our family all of the time that we’re failing them? Is it that lingering societal pressure that women have to keep a perfect house, perfect children and be perfect themselves?

It’s probably a combination of all of these factors. All I know is that since becoming a mother that I’ve put a tonne of pressure on myself to live up to some impossible ideal. And it wasn’t making me a better mother – not by a long shot. The truth was, I was angry, frustrated, sad and unbelievably busy. Maybe you feel that way too?

It was almost a year ago that I got the biggest wake up call of my life – my family that I was working so hard for was falling apart. Dramatic, yes. And I could hear the whisperings in the wind that I should never have shared that story with the world, that it was my job to put up, shut up and leave my dirty laundry hidden at the bottom of the pile with the hand washing I never get time to do.

But the biggest revelation that came from that horrible time was that deep inside there was a little voice that came out clear as a bell and sat on my lips for the very first time – “I am worthy of happiness and love”. At the time I didn’t know what form it would come to me in, whether my marriage would survive or I’d be doing it alone – but that one revelation gave me strength to start creating a happier future for myself. Continue reading

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Life in the slow lane

Life with a newborn is a reminder to slow down when life has a tendency to go too fast.

First time around I fought against the slow lane for too long, trying to cram in too much into those small windows of opportunity. Trying to do it all, keep all those balls in the air, while in alot of ways things seemed to crumble around me: my old life, my sense of self, my confidence.

What saved me then was realising that I didn’t have to do it all, that our ‘best days’ were the ones where I didn’t watch the clock and despair at how long I’d be feeding and how long he’d been sleeping. Those days, wading through the day responding to my baby, gave me confidence as a mother and made me happy. Continue reading