I was in yoga class a couple of weeks ago and near the end of the class, our teacher tells us we’re going to do shoulder stand. “Oh no!” my inner voice yells … “you’re going to look so stupid!”. Ignoring the voice I push on, I awkwardly roll my heels headward and use the momentum of the movement and my arms towards my lower back to start bringing my legs up towards the sky. I have no idea what I look like, or how close to vertical my legs are but I’m starting to feel like I’m getting there. A wobbly, slow moving and definately not very graceful movement but my legs are almost pointing towards the sky, my chin is locked into my chest and then the voice kicks in “Oh my god, my legs are in the air, I don’t know if I’m doing this right, I don’t want to fall over” and then slight panic kicks in, sending me toppling out of the pose. That over thinking mind of mine just caught me out again! But rather than dwell on the fact that I fell out, I chose instead to dwell on the progress that saw me anywhere near close to that pose. And taking that positive thought into another week on the mat, last Sunday I may have almost nailed it (don’t expect a photo anytime soon, though!).
That shoulder stand moment enters my mind alot and encapsulates where I am at with my journey of quietening my mostly critical inner thoughts and believing in my own, unique kind of power – in all its awkwardness and wobbliness. It’s this feeling I am taking with me into the Problogger Training Event this coming Friday and Saturday. Usually in the lead up to these kinds of things, my mind tends to go into over drive which makes me feel like freaking out and hiding in my hotel room. I take a critical eye to my blog and tell myself that it’s not worthy, too small, lacking in a real niche and that I really should be tweeting more and ‘connecting’ and … blah, blah, blah … on it would go telling me all the things I’m doing wrong.
Well, happily that hasn’t happened this time. I’m excited to be going, to be having the chance to learn a bucket-load of new things, meeting new people and having some time to think about this blog of mine and where I’d like it to go. Much like my awkward shoulder stand, what counts most is that I’m still here finding my voice, writing what’s important to me and trusting that one day my words, just like my feet, will feel like they’re touching the sky.
Photo Credit: Yoga Kittens by Daniel Borris.