I sit here, the house all quiet with the rain tinkling on the roof and a lemon tea beside me. I’ve just got home from yoga and feel all relaxed and centred but not quite ready for sleep. I’ve been in a reflective mood lately and tonight is more of the same. It’s peaceful reflection, not the stuff of my external life but of my internal truths, longings and battles. I feel a gentle shift back towards the essence of me, but as it shifts I feel resistance rising in the space. I take a breath and surrender to the feeling.
It’s been over a month since I returned to work at my day job twice a week and continue to do freelance work one day a week and a few evenings and snatched weekend hours. I was worried that adding two full work days into my already precariously balanced work and home life would be enough to tip me over the brink of sanity, but it’s been a blessed change.
I still feel the pressures of combining work with caring for my beautiful boys, but it seems to have an easier ebb and a flow to it now. My two at home days with the boys segue into my work at home day and then the working week finishes with two days at the office. Weekends are now a mix of swimming and speech for Jarvis and some sort of outing or catch up as a family. We’re still doing all the same things we were doing last year but as we both surrender to the busy-ness we find that we uncannily seem to have alot more space and time. A whole heap more breathing room. More time to play, relax and dream.
It feels a world away from where we were late last year. Our boys are thriving and growing. Jarvis’s speech is improving out of sight so far this year and I smile at his long boy legs and wonder where my toddler is disappearing to. Little Hugo is constantly moving and laughing as he chases his big brother around, it feels he is on the verge of walking and I brace myself for the change of seeing my two little people running arond this house. Breathing this all in with my husband by my side, our stride back in synch, fills me with gratitude and peace.
There’s still work to be done but I’m letting go of the striving and just being, feeling it all – the ups, the downs and the roundabouts.
Image: Fantasy Stock