The last week has been action-packed, but restorative. I enjoyed a child-free day on Monday that saw our tax finally completed for 2011 which I celebrated by taking myself off for a solo movie date to see the Descendants (loved!).
It was around that time that the raining began, and it’s been raining without much break since. Following the floods last summer, so much rain seemed even more disconcerting than usual. Summer rain, relentless and humidity-inducing. Yet, for me whether by coincidence or reason the rain brought with it more clarity, washing away some fears that have been plaguing me and I could see my path, lit and clear in front of me.
I laughed and ate delicious food with friends on a week night and came home to my boy waking to the sound of my voice, wanting a hug and for me to sit by him while he drifted back to sleep.
I listened to the Hottest 100, while enjoying a BBQ with family and made mental lists of the songs that weren’t on my iPod and should be.
I had a midwife appointment and heard my little boy’s heartbeat, while my big boy looked on and I felt excited and in awe about welcoming him in around nine weeks.
We took J to the GP to get a referral to a speech pathologist and it didn’t feel scary or anxiety inducing.
My mum and I went to see Mary Poppins and it was magical – reminding me of the importance of living your life with joy and purpose.
I finally set my Mum up with a blog as she’s been pestering me to do this for ages (you can read her first post here). I was avoiding it – worried about what she would write and what affect it would have on me (ego, anyone?).
In setting up her blog, I’ve realised how much I’ve learned since setting mine up almost two years ago. She wants to be ‘big’ and ‘get lots of comments’ and wondered how she should achieve this. I shrugged and said ‘it’s time consuming and there’s no guarantees. You really have to be writing for yourself.’
She didn’t seem happy with that. ‘Why bother if noone is going to read it?’, she asked.
I’ve asked myself the same thing in many different ways, at many different times at countless forks in the road.
I’ve agonised over stats, tried to prod myself into interacting with the twitterverse more often (while feeling ignored most of the time) and in doing so compared my worth to people I don’t know and who I probably have nothing in common with.
I haven’t asked the ‘why bother’ question as much lately and in doing so have found myself connecting with my own worth and purpose.
I bother because I enjoy it. I bother because I feel I have something to say. I bother because I need to write to release my internal chatter and pressure valve. I bother because I want to hear from others that are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings I am. I bother because to not bother would be the worst thing of all.
Here’s to bothering and all the potential it brings!
How do you inspire yourself to keep bothering (with blogging, or whatever else floats your boat)?