Another boy … how people try and burst your bubble

Mr P and I headed in for the big 19-20 week morphology scan on Tuesday. Although the predominant emotion was excitement, there was a nagging sense of apprehension coming along for the ride. I was just hoping that everything looked okay. We had also agreed upon finding out the sex of the baby this time around, which in itself was a new experience.

First time around we went for the ‘surprise’ at birth approach and I enjoyed that experience. But this time around I wanted to feel what ‘knowing’ was like. We honestly had no gender preference either way, so it was more an interest from a practical sense and an interest in having both experiences as this will be our last child.

We were ushered into the room and as soon as the warm gel went on and the dobbler brought up a clear image of our baby, the sonographer asked ‘So do you want to find out the sex?’. We both answered in the affirmative and as soon as we did, we were promptly told we were expecting another boy. I was immediately awe-struck and happy as was Mr P and we joked about how J Boy would love having a little bro to boss around.

The rest of the scan went really well, with no anomalies found. I felt like I floated out of the hospital, both excitedly chatting about our new little man, yet dreading the prospect of trying to name him … boys names were hard enough first time around.

We also then discussed whether we would tell others we knew the sex. Before the scan we had agreed upon the ‘our little secret approach’ but following the scan I felt I wanted to share the news. I had two reasons for this: 1) I was just so damn excited, I knew I’d find it hard not to share and 2) we were very aware that others wouldn’t find the news of another boy as exciting as we did and I kind of wanted to get their reactions and comments out of the way early, without my baby boy in my arms and the resultant new mother hormones.

And judging by the reactions so far, I’m pretty glad we made this choice. Plus, it’s a pretty interesting social experiment.

The most vocal commenters seem to fall into two main groupsΒ  – those with a strong ‘girl’ preference and those with a strong ‘one of each’ preference (otherwise known as the ‘pigeon pair’ brigade).

Having never felt a strong pull to either camp pre- or post-children, I find the reactions from people that fall into these camps equal parts interesting and annoying. The arguments from both are so steeped in gender stereotyping about not only the parents in question, but an as yet unborn child. A child that will be born with its own unique personality, regardless of its gender.

‘You’ll have to try for another to get a girl’

‘We really wanted you to have a girl to even up the numbers’

‘I wanted you to have a girl that I could dress up in frills’

Are just some of the beauties we’ve heard, and that’s just from immediate family. And although we know they are happy for us and as excited about this soon-to-be-bundle as we are, the disappointment that crept into their voices when we told them the news is a bit of a bubble burster.

Mr P is over the moon. Having grown up with two sisters, he feels it’s finally his time to have the gender balance of power skewed in his favour.

As for me, even though I’ve only known life growing up as one of two girls (and here come the stereotypes) I’ve never been one to dress in frills, I hate shopping and I am fairly low maintenance when it comes to grooming. I have never wished for a girl to do ‘girly things’ with andΒ  I am thrilled and at peace about the prospect of living in a household of males (even the cat is a boy).

Yes, I’ll be spectacularly outnumbered but this mum can’t imagine having it any other way.

What’s your experience of the affect of gender on family dynamics? Any weird/unwanted comments to share?

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15 thoughts on “Another boy … how people try and burst your bubble

  1. It’s just so amazing to have a healthy child, the sex doesn’t matter does it?

    Even though my husband already had two girls when I fell pregnant, we didn’t get too many “oh, another girl” comments, but we’d kept the sex secret. I think people tend to put their mouth into gear before they fire up their brain. That, or they’re just clueless.

    Glad you enjoyed your scan; scans were always exciting πŸ™‚

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  2. Look at him!!!! Little 3D thing, he looks cute already! I am excited about the thought of the 2 boys!! J is going to be such an excellent big brother!!

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  3. Congrats on the precious baby boy you are growing! I can completely relate to you. I had my son 8 months ago and I was pretty hurt by immediate family once we announced the gender and so many of them were “hoping for a girl”. I really didn’t have preference but was sort of dreaming of life with a girl when I was pregnant, but once finding out I would indeed have a son, I was absolutely thrilled. And since giving birth my son has enriched my life more than I could have dreamed of. Being a mama to a baby boy is such a beautiful thing! I would absolutely love a house of all boys. πŸ™‚

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  4. I always wanted girls as I was brought up with one sister and three brothers and I was lucky enough to get what I wanted (2 girls) and I never regretted not trying for a boy!
    I always sewed alot and made lovely little girly, frilly dresses, smocked baby dresses etc, which I have kept for 33 years hoping for a granddaughter! With number 2 grandson on the way, yes, I won’t deny I was a bit sad for ‘me’ but I got over that and said to myself “wake up to yourself” the main thing is that the bay is healthy.
    My husband is over the moon, having 2 little boys. Then today a customer came in with her daughter, who had just had her 4th child, a girl – she has 3 girls and 1 boy and the grandmother said having a girl was better than having a 2nd boy!!!
    I am sure your 2nd little boy will complete your happy family (minus the frills)!!!

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  5. Congratulations on your little boy! I had a girl first and then a boy and my MIL was openly disappointed that I wasn’t having another girl. She passed away 11 days after my Noah was born and I’m sad that she isn’t here to see how sweet and loving and kind he is. I am currently pregnant with boy #4 in a row and though I have to admit I was hoping for another girl to tip the balance a bit more I am thrilled to be able to raise another kind, respectful little man who will grow into a kind, respectful bigger man.
    I find that it’s women for the most part speak up about their preference for “girls” over boys. Let me tell you, it’s not long before they refuse to wear those sweet little dresses everyone fawns over. My 9 year old daughter was into bugs and dinosaurs when she was smaller and now it’s reptiles! (She wants to be a herpetologist!) Shopping for her and finding cute and appropriate looking clothes is just getting harder and harder. And raising a girl with today’s media influence is no easy task. And when my daughter hates her hair in the morning and her jeans don’t look right and she storms off to her room, I rub my belly and feel thankful for another little guy coming into my life:) And for all the people who are sad about not being able to buy all the pink and frills, tell them to buy a doll that will never grow up!

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    • Thanks for sharing Jessica, and congrats on your latest little man! It’s so true that little boys can be so sweet and loving – something that’s completely overlooked in favour of the ‘rough, loud and dirty’ stereotypes.

      And you’re right about the clothing situation – everything is so gender-ised and some of the clothes for young girls seem to look like they’d be better suited to a night-clubbing 20-something. Scary!

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  6. Wow thank you SO much for sharing your exact same story as me!!! Why is so much pressure placed on having a girl in our society when in most other societies around the world they celebrate and cherish the birth of boys!

    I will admit I was 100% sure I was having a girl this time round (damn psychics!) but at our recent 20week scan all was revealed another boy! I was shocked and disappointed as everyone of my friends has the ultimate girl/boy ratio and I am now the mum with 2 x boys and yes as everyone says it “no one to frill up and go shopping with”.

    Even though it took me a week to get over my initial shock of being the mum of 2 x boys, I now know this is what is meant to be. AND like you I’m NOT a girly girl in terms of my personality and relate well with boys and you know what my current 2 year old boy loves his mummy sooooo very much and that’s all one can hope for πŸ™‚

    Thanks again for sharing and to combat my 2 boys I’m going to be the best Aunty to my 2 lovely girl nieces so they come shopping with me haha.

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    • Congrats on boy two! Yes, there does seem to be a bit of a ‘pity’ reaction towards mums of boys in our society, which I don’t really understand. Sounds like our boys will both be around the same age!

      As long as my grown boys don’t mind taking their old mum out for a coffee every now and then I’ll be happy!

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  7. I know what you mean! I have 2 boys and cannot imagine it any other way. When I had my second son this year I was immediately asked if we would try again for a girl. Ahh no, if we have a 3rd it’s to have 3 kids, regardless of gender. Those questions tended to come from friends and acquaintances – I think family knew that being surrounded by boys doesn’t bother me in the slightest πŸ™‚

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  8. Sorry, I know I’m a bit late responding to this one but I’ve just discovered your blog and this particular topic has been milling around my head a lot lately…

    We have two gorgeous boys and are currently 8 weeks away from having Baby #3, who we’re both pretty sure is another boy. I’ve no doubt that everyone else will need more therapy than we do that we’re not having a girl this time around πŸ˜‰

    I think I have hoped to have a daughter in each pregnancy and after each birth I’ve had a (very brief) ‘moment’ of disappointment that we seem to be unable to produce girls. However, the disappointment is quickly replaced with feeling besotted with the beautiful boys we have been blessed with. I have to say that boys are SO much fun and each day I am completely amazed by the development of the bond between two small brothers. I feel so lucky. I think boys are seriously underrated.

    On being pregnant with Baby #3, I heard lots of ‘hoping for a girl this time’ comments. Yes, it would be nice to even out the numbers and have a daughter, especially given this will be our last baby, but I think we’ll be equally blessed with another gorgeous boy who will have two big brothers. And, just quietly, I’m not disappointed that there may be opportunities for the boys to have some boy bonding with Dad while Mum ducks out for a facial and shopping alone πŸ˜‰

    Good luck with the arrival of your second gorgeous boy x

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  9. Oh man you should hear the comments I get when out n about with our five boys! some people really dont think about what they are saying ::

    “OH dear, you poor thing. No girls? You must go back and try again?”
    or this one!!

    “How sad for you. Not to have a girl in the family. Have you thought about trying the diet and going back for a girl”

    Then there is this one

    “You must be really brave to have so many boys. Heaven will sure have its gates opened up for you when its time” (I am still stunned by that one!!)

    And yeah boys are fun, dirty and smelly. But I couldn’t imagine my life any other way. πŸ™‚

    As long as they are healthy, happy and doing what they love then I am happy.

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  10. An outstanding share! I have just fordrawed this onto a co-worker who has been doing a little research on this. And he actually ordered me breakfast because I stumbled upon it for him lol. So allow me to reword this . Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending time to discuss this topic here on your internet site.

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