“I’m sorry that the news may not be what you were hoping for,” the neurologist’s voice trailed off as we moved towards ending our phone conversation.
It wasn’t until he said this that it even crossed my mind that I’d just received ‘bad news’. We had some answers, which was better than no answers. I had convinced myself that no answers was worst case scenario and any other news we could deal with.
The outcome of the MRI, and our almost three weeks of waiting, is that J’s facial nerve on the right side seems to be either completely absent or 95% absent. Leading to the conclusion that his facial nerve palsy is congenital and his nerve just didn’t develop as it should.
As I’ve said before ‘just one of those things’.
It didn’t stop me from getting off the phone and having a big cry, but it was one of those relieved, transitional cries that you have to go through to get out all your fears and realise that everything is going to be okay.
It also didn’t stop me from googling ‘when the facial nerve develops during gestation’ to somehow prove to myself that I was to blame. Or maybe to absolve myself of that guilt, I’m not entirely sure.
To the doctor, this diagnosis is a bit of a ‘end of the road’. If the nerve is not there, or undeveloped it can’t be fixed. And doctors like to fix things. But even if the nerve was damaged and there was a chance it would repair itself, at this stage of the game we wouldn’t be looking at a full recovery of the nerve anyway.
There really isn’t alot known about facial nerve palsy and the process to ‘fix’ the nerve is a very complex operation that requires micro-surgery, nerve grafting and a great deal of variance in possible results. It’s not something we would consider until Jarvis is old enough to make that decision for himself.
But today I’m grateful for answers. I am grateful for my little boy being born to me just the way he is and I am grateful for the chance to teach him that being different is not a weakness, but a strength.
Head over to Maxabella Loves … to see what people are grateful for this week.