Some days when I’m sitting here typing into a blank screen, I don’t know where it will take me, if anyone is reading and if what I’m doing is worthwhile or worthy.
Typing into the abyss.
But I need this. Not for any adulation or comments or ‘friends’. I need this to help me feel. To deal with my emotions in a way that is positive. To blurt things out. My loves, my triumphs, my fears and my frustrations.
It’s all too easy to feel small. Like these feelings don’t matter. But they do. To bury them deep down, no matter how inconsequential they might seem at the time, would only serve to hurt me and those that I love most. And that is why I blog. To release the pressure valve. To remind myself of my passions. To reflect. To question. To feel.
But having said all that, it would be hard to keep going without a series of small wins. Little things, almost messages from the universe to just keep at it. Comments from bloggers you respect. A few extra hits here, a featured blog post there, a comment saying your words meant something to someone, somewhere.
Last night, I found out about my biggest small win yet. I won the Australian New Zealand Babywearing Week (ANZBW) Blogger Call Out competition and will be receiving $150 and an Ergo Baby Carrier, care of the lovely peeps at Babes in Arms.
I wrote my post about loving my Ergo back in September in the lead up to ANZBW and it serves to remind me that the biggest surprises and biggest triumphs that come from blogging is when you write about something that you really care about. Those small wins that remind you why you’re here, that remind you to keep positive, to keep at it. That you’re not just typing on a white screen to yourself.
Upon reading the news last night, I ran to the lounge room and told my husband while simultaneously dancing and high-fiving myself. I don’t think I’ve ever high-fived myself before but it felt insanely appropriate. Although I have no photographic evidence of the ‘self high five’, this photo of me doing a ‘ta da’ type movement while simultaneously babywearing and posing by a giant shoe comes pretty close.
Winning feels nice! Even though it’s fleeting and once the feeling subsides you’re back typing into a white box, wondering if anyone is out there?